


Remus Lupin and the Wildly Unreasonably Dream

by CassandraLane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-25 15:38:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1653785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandraLane/pseuds/CassandraLane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin has a habit of falling asleep out of pure exhaustion and falling into the grips of mysterious dreams almost as soon as his cheek hits the pillow. This is accompanied by a habit of forgetting those dreams entirely upon waking. That it is until he has one a bit too crazy to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remus's Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This fiction was inspired by a wildly lucid dream of my very own which did happen to include crocodiles. The kissing bits are towards the end so if thats what you're reading for hold in there. Hope you like it :D

It happened to be a very eventful day for the month of June, which was usually comprised of languid and slightly sweaty afternoons under shady trees. Today was a blur of pranks; Purple haired slytherins with noses turned to Tucan beaks, Hufflepuffs oozing cream filling from their ears and even a few Ravenclaws sprouting very large orange horns on their foreheads. James and Sirius had used so many hexes in one afternoon that even Dumbledore seemed vaguely impressed through his disapproving lecture. Various detentions were assigned and Peter groaned about how awful cleaning the lavatories was and to be honest no one was really listening to him at all. Dinner was quieter at least, with Sirius grinned madly over his shepherd's pie, nudging Remus’s knee every once in a while to remind him of some exploit where Remus had been present, thank you very much for noticing. 

The day drew to a close and so the world would have it, Remus Lupin was barely hanging on to consciousness as he bumbled about his evening routine. With an almost dramatic flourish he fell into the warm red covers and curled up tightly, welcoming the embrace of sleep. 

* * * * *

There was a lot of sand. Smooth wet sand that squished around when he moved his toes and was so dark it looked almost like mud. There was also pale white sand that was luminescent in the glaring sun and obviously dry. He wanted to feel the contrast of the dry warmth but every step he took there was wetter and his feet sunk deeper into the mush. 

Then there was a sharp gust of wind and he found himself situated in a plastic lawn chair with a beer bottle so large that it fit comfortably on his lap. It was cut cleanly in half and filled to the brim with bunches of cotton candy. A note lay on the top in swirly purple cursive. _**‘ In my depths awaits a treat, evermore sweet but not to eat. Find it if you please’**_

Remus’s eyes curled around the parchment as he read. He felt that this was indeed a very enticing offer so he commenced sifting through the fluff, his slender fingers slashing through it with a curious ferocity. His shoulders trembled and he knew that very soon something marvelous would happen. 

Soon the candy began to give way to the bottom of the bottle which he was surprised to note was not a bottle bottom at all but rather a circular beam of white light. Remus leaned forward to examine the light closer. There was a distant humming sound and the steady beat of a gong somewhere in the vicinity. He took another tentative look before pushing his face forward into the brightness. A warmth enveloped him and he was sliding down some sort of tube made out of heat. After a few seconds he popped out onto a cold hard surface. It was probably a wooden floor but he couldn’t see it yet his eyes were dazzled from the sun. 

When the pockets of light faded from his eyes he realized he was in a far corridor of the Hogwarts Library but he wasn’t alone. Several of his professors were looming over him but they weren’t exactly themselves. Actually they were only themselves in the facial area and there bodies were decidedly otherwise. They had long crocodile bodies with thin spindly twig arms and strong whip like tails. They circled around him and Professor Slughorn leaned over and whispered ‘BOIL And eat, not very sweet oh not very sweet!’ He repeated it louder and the other professor’s joined in the chant. Remus sat up and tried to stand but he got caught his knees. 

A shaft of yellow light appeared from overhead and Dumbledore entered decked in flowy white sheets and carrying a large golden tray upon which sat an oversized clam. As he approached he began slowly spinning the tray so that the opening faced Remus and to his surprise (the fact that he was still capable of being surprised at this point was one in and of itself) the clam held a nude James Potter covered only in flakes of shimmery blue and purple around his precious parts. 

“BOIL and EAT, Not Very Sweet! Grimace Complete! How awful the feat. Not very Sweet!” the professors roared in unison. 

Remus was not going to boil and eat James Potter. He steadfast refused and began pleading in earnest to do anything else. He’d complete his work on time forever and make James, Peter and Sirius do the same and no pranks for the rest of the year. None for the rest of his schooling! 

Dumbledore placed the tray at his feet and slowly levitated above it. He began to twist and bubble at the edges shifting somehow out of himself and into something else. His body became a purple sort of mist, almost entirely translucent and his beard was soon the only thing opaque. His spectacles slide further down his nose until his wide wise eyes bored into Remus’s. 

_“You shall have 5 wished my dear boy. Choose wisely!”_ he boomed. 

Well first things first he was getting the fuck out of this library and no one was boiling his mate and eating him. Who the fuck even does that? And why were his professor’s crocodiles? This was wizarding school not a fucking acid trip! Maybe it was an acid trip but he hadn’t remembered taking anything. Also one usually wasn’t self aware of tripping balls so he settled on probably not being stoned out of his mind. 

Dumbledore reached out and whisked him away in a pool of purple mist. Suddenly he was at an amusement park called ‘PleasureLand’ and in line for the biggest attraction available: **The Cyclone**. The line inched forward carefully and Remus was considering the possibilities. Maybe James thought it would be funny to slip in his pumpkin juice just for the hell of it. Usually they didn’t test things on him lycanthropy being an unreliable factor and all but he didn’t exactly put it above them. 

The line moved forward and once he reached the front a very tall and thin man measured him with a red stick. ‘Too Short’ he declared with a thick foreign accent. Remus attempted to argue, he was certainly tall enough the cut off was four feet for gods sake but a few other tall men approached and ushered him away.

One man with long shaggy red hair, yellowing teeth and feral eyes announced “We’re off to the teacups aren’t we now.” and flashed his rotting teeth in a sly grin. The reached the small children’s section of the park and passed through to the teacup ride, surpassing the line and pushing Remus into a lone carriage. The teacup was round and covered in a sickly chipping pink paint and in the center there was a metallic wheel, not silver, which one was meant to spin to increase ones speed. Remus instead knelt and placed his head down onto it wanting fiercely to be back at Hogwarts with his mates. 

‘Oye! Remus why’ve you got your head on the wheel. Move it over, I want to go fast!” 

Remus startled backwards and then gave a wicked grin. Inexplicably Sirius was there and so the teacups were suddenly a splendid place to be. He patted the space beside him and Sirius ambled into the carriage and plopped down exactly there. He grabbed the wheel with and motioned to Remus to do the same. 

The center of the ride flashed orange and a series of chimes went off and then they were spinning. At first it was slow and rather unexciting but than they really began to pull at the wheel with all their strength and let me tell you a werewolf and a quidditch player have rather a lot between the two of them.

The teacup spun faster and faster until it began to blur and Sirius shouted profanities into the air and howled. Remus grinned but stayed silent enjoying the entertainment that was Sirius Black. Soon they were spinning in a column of pinkish swirls and the carriage had all but disappeared save the silly metal wheel. Remus’s eyes narrowed and he had a bad feeling about this because change so far had not been for the better in whatever the hell this experience was. 

There was a series of chimes similar to those which started the ride but when the spinning stopped they were in a booth at a pub. A very sparkly pub with margaritas floating through the air and disco music playing softly from some corner. The booth itself was a light rosy color and the table was a smooth oak. Remus was sitting on his side wedged in the corner between the table and the chair and Sirius was sitting cross-legged and facing him. 

“Appletini?” Sirius offered. 

“Sure” Remus replied although he didn't really know what they were apart from a vague recollection of Peter calling them girly. He reached over to pluck a floating glass from the air but was stopped by a pale hand. Sirius shook his head grabbed it himself; then pressed the glass to the other boy's lips. Remus gulped it down in a state one part confusion and two parts pleasure. The drink was tangy sweet and the edge of Sirius’s thumb hung precariously close to Remus’s chin, close enough for its heat to cast a sort of shadow. When he finished drinking Sirius settled the glass down and to Remus’s utter astonishment his thumb resumed its role slightly higher up as the black-haired boy began to trace up Remus’s cheek and then curl his hand into the tawny stray locks of his hair. 

Remus sat still in a suspension of shock and attraction. This was unreal, literally this was the most bizarre and unrealistic thing to occur in a series of decidedly strange and unlikely occurrences. The other stuff had been jarring and bright with strange people and loud colors but this was soft and impossibly familiar. 

Sirius reached up his other hand and cupped Remus’s face on both sides an expression of subtle passion gracing his features that made all the blood rush to Remus’s cheeks, turning them from a light pink to a full on crismon. Remus stumbled about himself, lifting a hand and putting it back down and tilting his head and then reversing the action. Sirius shifted forward and pressed his lips onto the corner of his mouth breathing lightly. He guided one of Remus’s hands to his neck and the other around his waist. Then he placed he’d been using up the front of Remus’s shirt and rest it on the center of his chest. 

They weren’t even kissing yet, just breathing softly on one another and feeling eachothers heat and Remus was more aroused than he had ever even imagined he could be. He pushed back against Sirius’s mouth and parted it slowly and the response was instantaneous. They pushed each into each other hesitation replaced with a determination to push harder, taste more, feel further expanses of one another. 

Remus pulled away for a moment of breath and then without making a conscious decision latched onto Sirius neck, lapping at it and suckling the soft skin with abandon. Sirius let out a low moan, a sound that in that moment could not compete with any composers music for beauty. It light a flame in Remus’s stomach, his desire to continue affirmed. He pulled Sirius’s shirt over the boy’s head and began to kiss his way across Sirius’s chest, paying special attention to his nipples and biting back his own moans as they hardened under his tongue. 

Then Remus changed tactics and captured Sirius’s mouth again and lavishing the wondrous wetness. How could a mouth feel so nice, so perfect that Remus couldn’t help himself from shivering in pleasure. He moved and let out a hot breath against Sirius’s ear before laving that with his tongue too. He was going to explore every last bit of Sirius, map it out and claim it as property of Mr. Moony. 

Sirius was sighing and whining out words of appreciation. ‘Oh yeah, just like that. Moony, oh my god MOONY.’ 

Sirius began rutting against him and Remus responded with a fervor. They could feel each others erections straining against through there clothed constraints but the moments needed to remove them were too long and they wouldn’t know what to do yet anyway so they kissed and rutted and moaned in the seclusion of a bar booth. 

Remus cried out sharply and almost screamed Sirius’s name but it died on his lips as he rode out his orgasm, bursts of light exploding in front of him and around him as the world was bathed in glory. 

When it was over Remus opened his eyes but he wasn’t in the bar and there was no Sirius. He was in a four poster bed and his Gryffindor covers were sticky. He flicked himself on the wrist and felt it. He was awake and spent and that was wow. What a fucking first wet dream. Holy shit it was a weird one there were bloody crocodile professors. Did werewolves have LSD like wet dreams? What even was that? Dumbledore was a bloody genie and holy shit. 

Oh god and Sirius was in it, he and Sirius were. Bloody fucking hell. He was screwed and majorly screwed at that. Tomorrow was going to be a long and awkward day. 


	2. Sirius's Nightmare

Sirius rather disliked going to sleep. The day's boisterous chatter was replaced by thick silence punctuated only be Peter’s occasional snoring. There was rustling of course but without the light to illuminate the actions it was all strangely reminiscent of Grimmauld Place with Kreacher creeping about doing this and that. It was with a deep reluctance that Sirius closed his bedr curtains every night. 

The day had been particularly hectic, chalked full of laughter, pranks and all around foolishness with his friends. The very best parts, the things he lived for were those moments where he and close together. Today at dinner everytime he nudged the back of Remus’s knee with his own he felt shivers criss crossing up and down his spine. 

He wanted to reach out and take his hand, feel those slender fingers entwined in his. He wanted to lean in closer as he whispered secrets and tales that he knew full well Remus had heard already. He wanted it to be more than his breath on Remus’s ear, and neck. Oh he just keep thinking about it and then beating himself up over it and then thinking about it again. It was absolutely ludicrous to get to the point in your life when you reward yourself for not thinking dirty thoughts about your best mate. 

Night had fallen more swiftly than any of the marauders had anticipated with all there screwing around. Sirius took his sweet time in the shower and brushing his teeth. He put on his pajamas slowly and exchanged stupid insults with James. 

“Shut up you inconsiderate space knuckle!” 

“As if, You arsed face walrus anus” 

“Oye, You’re such a tit suckling piglet” 

And so on in this fashion for almost half an hour before James gave up with a half hearted ‘bloody tosser’ and went to bed. 

Sirius sighed heavily as one does and retreated into his own four poster prison. It wasn’t that he didn’t like sleep, truly if someone tried to wake him up on a Saturday before noon there would be hell to pay. It was only that those moments in the dark and quiet were the only times he was alone in his own head and he just didn’t like that very much. Everything that he could think of that was worrisome or stressful he would think of. On the bad nights he’d lay awake for hours agonizing over tiny mistakes from years ago or about what would happen if someone found out that he liked blokes a bit more than he should. He worried about Regulus and how broken and fucked up there relationship was and he had vivid flashbacks of Orion screaming at the two of them and he could almost feel the golden family crest of his father’s ring colliding with his lower jaw.

On occasion he worried about exams but it was really worrying about Remus worrying. That usually backtracked into how cute Remus’s pout was but that tangent leads to other less innocent thoughts. On the very worst nights of them all, when it was very late and his brain felt extra malicious he thought about Remus looking at him, face laden with disgust and loathing. An expression that exposed how horrifying he was to find out that Sirius was a shirtlifter and liked him. Those thoughts churned his stomach over and made his sweat run cold across his brow. Those were the thoughts that he could feel like worms crawling through his brain and with every squirmy detail Sirius imagined his stomach clenched tighter. 

Tonight Sirius had run himself out pretty well and he bid the thoughts away with the success of someone just too tired to give a fuck. He clutched his pillow with a half hearted version of desperation, the one that comes from being so overexposed that the pain becomes a bit blaise. He counted his lucky stars for nights like these when his conscious mind blissfully faded away.

* * * *

Sirius was in a very small and very dark room. If he reached his arm straight out he only had to lean forward an inch on either side to graze the walls with his fingertips. There was such an absolute absence of light that Sirius for one horrifying moment he thought he might be dead. Then a sizzle sounded from above him and a old fashion naphtha lamp flickered on and the room was bathed in a thin warm light. The floors were a deep cherry wood polished to a sheen and the walls were poppy red. 

Sirius pushed into each of the walls forcefully trying to determine how to get out. There were no windows or doors and none of the walls gave in the slightest. He lowered down to the floor and began to feel around for trick openings. He even knocked in a few places like he’d seen in that one muggle detective film. He didn’t find a thing. 

Time passed not with fluidity but with intense viscosity. Sirius knocked til his knuckles bleed and hollered to anyone that to please god let him out. After what seem like an eternity the floor began to shake and tiny vibrations echoing through his shoes and tickling his toes. The vibrations heightened until everything shook and the floor began to sink and swirl into a thick black mud. It was cool and slick against his ankles and it pulled him speedily downward, so fast was he thigh deep in the mud that he didn’t have time to think let alone struggle. The Mud ran seemed to race up his neck in thick stripes and when it wrapped around his face he wanted to scream but he didn’t. He felt the mud roll over his chin and but the very worst was when it tickled his eyelashes. 

It was over in matter of seconds and Sirius found himself perfectly clean and standing in a forest clearing, evergreens that soared upward higher than the hogwarts towers surrounded him and thick bunches of brambles covered the only visible path. The ground was mossy and nothing seemed to fit together. Little green caterpillars inched through the air like lazy birds and mice walked on their hind legs. A loud deep bellow erupted from behind some trees to the east and Sirius readied himself for whatever danger might arise. Soft footsteps padded there way forward until Sirius saw the head of an enormous green lion. Its main was twisted and dirty but its head was still held high with a majestic grace. Its eyed were blazing purple orbs, that locked you in and its fur was short and bristly unlike any lion he’d seen in pictures or the zoo. It was a breathtaking beauty and fear consuming sight. 

Sirius began to move backward in small careful steps hoping not to arouse any attention but the lion raised a paw in the air as if motioning him to stop so he did. The lion came forward and circled him, taking long deliberate strides. The lion stopped and bared his teeth, long thin fish like teeth but sharp as needles and a sickly shade of red. He pushed his head close to Sirius neck and growled low in his throat. Then a paw flung out and pushed him backward. 

He flew backward but instead of landing with a heavy thump he landed in a splash. Salt stung his eyes and he was in the ocean breathing the tangy sea air in frantic gulps. The lion was no where to be seen but neither was anything else. He was in the middle of the ocean's soft blue waves and they stretched out before him in every direction. 

Sirius lay his head back and let himself float along on the gentle push and pull of the waves. His eyes slipped closed and he felt the sun beating down on him. A calm settled over him and his breath deepened and slowed, each inhale savoring the salty air and each exhale deflating his chest. His fingers carded through the water with reverence, the water was better than silk or velvet, it cut soft and smooth against his skin. When he felt safe he from the lion and the small room he opened his eyes again. He was still in the ocean, and thank Merlin, Arthur and the whole bloody round table for it. 

He began to swim towards the horizon with no destination other than the imaginary line where the water meets the sky. As he swam he grew accustomed to the rhythm of his arms against the water and his legs pumping and so fell into a steady pace. The sky reached on ever in front of him and the sun began its descent. When the sun was split in half over the water and the sky was colored with a million after thoughts of light, Sirius closed his eyes and imagined Remus beside him. He imagined Remus’s thin frame swimming next to him and his slender fingers reaching out to him. He imagined Remus tracing his shoulder in to get his attention and when he had it swimming so close to him that they were within a breath of one another. 

Then he opened his eyes and to his surprise Remus was there. Well, not quite where he’d imagined him but Remus sure as the sun was setting was sitting in a pink and blue polka dotted tube, feet hoisted above the water and head reclined to feel the waves. 

Sirius bounded over and greeted him voice aloft with glee. He couldn’t believe his luck that Remus, his darling Remus, was there to share the beautiful colors and the soft trum of waves. Remus looked up sharply and his face was lined with emotion. His lips were curled in an unfamiliar sort of scowl and his nose was turned up ever so slightly like he was smelling something that had gone rancid.  
Just as Sirius opened his mouth to ask what was wrong a crack of thunder sounded out and a heavy rain began to fall. The clouds which had been summoned up out of nowhere blocked all the light from the fading sun. It was dark and as the rains poured the ocean began to churn and the waves lifted higher with every minute passed.

“Come on Remus. We have to get out of the water, somehow.” 

“ I’m not going anywhere” Remus replied smoothly. 

“Why not! Come on Moony this is a storm. We gotta go now?”

“Absolutely not. I know now Sirius and I won’t soon forget and quite frankly I’d rather drown than find my way out with _you_ ” he said, snarling around the last words like they were poisonous. 

Sirius felt his heart plummet through his chest. He knew and he hated him so much he’d rather die. Die, Remus could die. Oh god this was horrible and everything was crashing down on him in currents. It was like the waves were there affirm the horrors. Remus hated him. Crash. Remus could die out here because of the storm. Crash. Remus didn’t want to leave because of how very much he hated him. Crash. Remus could die because of him. That realization accompanied a wave so strong and fast that when it hit him he went under and through the cloudy surges of water he could see a pink floaty without an occupant. Remus was gone. Sirius struggled against the waves, trying to resurface and scope out the waters around him but the current was too strong. He turned around in a circle trying to locate Remus but he didn’t see him anywhere and the salt water was stinging his eyes. He let out a scream of his name but all it did was burn his throat with salty water that couldn’t be spit out. He heard the gurgle screams around him and he pushed and fought against the water. He screamed against it in a futile pursuit to get free and find Remus. 

He was being shaken by an invisible force under the water, someone had grabbed him by the shoulders and was pulling him and pushing him in a series of desperate jerks. He could almost hear someone calling his name and telling him to open his eyes but his eyes were already open and searching in the water. He closed them tight and whimpered out some sort of plea and then he opened them again. 

“Sirius calm down please. Wake up and calm down. Its just a nightmare, just a very bad dream. I’m right here Sirius you don’t have to scream. I am right here.” And there he was covered head to toe in a salty sweat almost as though he had been swimming but he was in his pajamas and Remus wasn’t lost he was there. Remus was shaking him and shouting at him with a look of helplessness in his eyes that expressed how deeply he wanted Sirius to be okay and how pained he was that he couldn’t stop whatever it was that was causing him to be otherwise. In the moment when Sirius opened his eyes and exhaled, Remus’s eyes lost that look and his shoulders fell from his ears. 

Remus was a painting of relief and his fingers trembled with the residue of stress. 

“Sirius, oh thank god Sirius. You were screaming so loud. You were thrashing and screaming and you kept saying ‘I have to find him, he can’t die, he can’t.’ and then sometimes you would pause and mutter and then you would just scream my name. It just ripped out of you and I don’t know what you were dreaming but it must of been bad.” and Remus continued in a frenzied state, rambling off every second of the shock he’d just had as though repeating it might dull the ever sharp fear that had pierced his chest when Sirius screamed. He could still hear it over his own voice and Sirius’s low quick breaths. 

Then he just stopped talking. He just wrapped his arms around Sirius and held him tight to his chest. They were both almost in tears at the scares they’d had and it was all they could do not to cry. 

“Sirius, I was so scared just then that you wouldn’t wake up. I keep shaking you and you kept screaming and I’d never been so frightened in all my life.” he whispered. He didn’t know what else to say. Sirius didn’t know how to respond but this was alright. They were together and warm and safe. There was no storm and Remus didn’t hate him. In fact Remus seemed very concerned for him. He was tender and vulnerable not sneering and hard. He was just Remus and he was just hugging him. Sirius wormed his way out of the hug so he could look at Remus’s face. His tawny hair was ruffled and his eyes were bright and red with unshed tears. 

Remus’s concern was so strong that it was palpable and Sirius felt after all that had happened that he oughta just get on with it. Remus clearly didn’t hate him and if this was going to change his mind he should find out now. Now when they were safe and emotional and rather then hardened by hate and in danger. And the fear that was eating away at him, the fear that held him from a good nights sleep and dragged him into hell needed to be addressed. He couldn’t have a nightmare like that ever again. 

He collected his resolve and leaned into Remus. He stopped an inch from his lips and searched his face for a hint of disgust or fear. His eyes were wide but not scared so Sirius pressed his lips lightly against his. A sigh escaped him and he deepened the kiss when no obvious signs of derision or resistance arose. 

Remus leaned into the kiss and pushed back. There lips opening and closing against each other in a haphazardly choreographed tango, nothing happening quite as anticipated but it was very nice. They had left the land of consequences and future woes, traveling swiftly from one moment to the next, together. 


End file.
